It’s Christmas Book Time!

So I’m bad at math and all, but by my calculations, Christmas is only 79 days away.

Good thing Neiman Marcus is on the ball and has their Christmas Book out already.  I love the arrival of this fabulouly ridiculous catalog each and every holiday season.  It’s always sure to be chock full of the most absurd things you’ve ever seen and this year did not disappoint.

I had been looking EVERYWHERE for a cupcake car to surprise Travis with, and NM evidently read my mind.

Cupcake Car

The only problem I’m having now is deciding if Trav would look better with a peppermint on top o’ his noggin or some rainbow sprinkles.  I think I’ll go with the sprinkles.  Arle will like that better.  Of course, they’re only $25,000 each, so I could always get them both, then I could cruise along behind him.

No.  I take that back.

I think I’ll get myself the Jaguar instead.


I mean, I do have a child to think about and I just don’t know how on earth I would get her honkin big carseat in the back of a cupcake car.  I’m just trying to be practical here, folks.  I know it’s $105,000, but come on…it has front seats that massage your back.  Think of all the $$$ I’ll save by not having to pay someone for a massage.  Nevermind the fact that I only get a massage about once every two years.  A penny saved is a penny earned.

As you may know, all of our family lives far away.  They live in a state many of you crazy mid-westerners have never heard of.  It’s called New Mexico.   No, not Mexico, NEW Mexico.  Yes, it’s a state.  I promise.

In order to try and please the Nuevo Mexico masses, and make more frequent visits to the Land Of Enchantment, I’ve decided to also order the oh-so-fabulous His & Hers Aircrafts and Pilot Lessons for a mere $250,000.


Again, just think of all the moolah I’ll be saving on plane tickets.  I would so much rather have my own plane rather than empty out our pockets to Southwest Airlines.

I know a lot of new mommies out there who are desperately in need of a good nap.  They should totally buy the Algonquin Round Table Experience.


I realize that you would be dropping $200,000, but I’m pretty sure that your company of literary snobs would definitely offer up an opportunity for a fabulous snooze fest.  $200,000 for good food AND a good nap is money well spent, if you ask me.

Last, but certainly not least, on my list of favorite items within the pages of NM’s Christmas Book is the Insect Lab Specimen Artwork.


This has got to be the answer to the age old question of “What do you get the person that has everything”?  A dead bug that costs $8500, that’s what.

Heck, I’ll offer up a great deal to all of my loyal readers. I have loads of dead locusts all over my yard right now.  I’ll put some under nice glass, on top of some wood, and only charge you $4250!  If that’s not a bargain, I don’t know what is.  I’ll take orders through the weekend.

Now I’m off to call American Express and let them know to expect some pretty hefty charges on the ol’ card today.

P.S. I’ll be sure to post pics of Trav in his cupcake car a.s.a.p.


6 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    maeghan said,

    I think you need to order a cupcake car for each of the bunco husbands! :-) Travis will co sign won’t he? LOL!

  2. 2

    Grammy said,

    I love this post!! You were in quite the whimsical mood. :) By the way, while you’re at it, would you have Trav buy me a Jaguar too?? Please?? Christmas is right around the corner and you could drive it out to Nuevo Mexico to break it in. ;)

  3. 3

    jami nato said,

    i mean, who has time to make a cupcake car?

  4. 4

    Susan said,

    Whenever I see this magazine I always wonder if people really buy this stuff. I mean really who buys a cupcake car? Who thinks up a cupcake car? Apparently whoever they are did not grow up in a New Mexiico small town where common sense is flowing in the wind freely. Heather you know how the wind blows there, not only freely but frequently! I have to say I also wonder how much they get paid. I could think up ridiculous gift ideas for money. :)

  5. 5

    bethany said,

    I am voting for the cupcake cars! I think you would like great cruising around PV in one of those! Hmmm… makes me crave Dolce! Yum!

  6. 6

    Your Sister said,

    Ok. Trent and I read this post together and we were both baffled by the table on the stack of books…Do you climb up the books, sit at the table, and take a nap? We don’t get it.

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