This Might Be Considered “R” Rated

Remember back here when I realized my bikini-waxer-lady goes to the same church as me?

Well, guess what.  Evidently we lunch at the same place, too.

It’s delightful.

I had just paid her a visit at the salon a couple days before I ran into her while eating lunch with a friend at Einstein.

Needless to say, I lost my appetite the moment she walked in the door.  I started to crawl under the table to avoid ruining her appetite, as well, but it was too late.  She had already spotted me.  We politely greeted each other and then I quickly tried to go back to the conversation with my friend.

I tried to play it cool, but am pretty sure I was beet red and sweat was pouring down my face.  I didn’t know my lunch date very well and didn’t feel like I could confess the cause of my sudden nervous behavior.

When Trav walked in the door that evening, I told him about my run-in and was rambling on and on about how embarrassing it was to run into her and all.  He, in his oh-so-cool-calm-way, simply looked at me and said, “She sees crotches all day long.  Get over it.”

He just doesn’t get me sometimes.

Oh, and speaking of crotches…

Arle has ventured into embarrassing question land.

After her bath the other night, she patted her bum and said, “What’s this?’

“That’s your hiney,” I answered.

She then pointed to the “front” and asked, “What’s this?”

Modest Mommy promptly let the first thing that came to her mind come out of her mouth.

“Uh, it’s uh, a, uh, it’s your hee-hoo.”

“Did I seriously tell her it’s called a hee-hoo,” was all I could think about.  Well, that and, “Why the #&$* didn’t anyone warn me that you only have two years to prepare for questions like these”????

It’s all your fault, Kristen.  You taught me that phrase and it’s all I could think of when Arle put me on the spot like that.

But really, what else was I supposed to call it?  I’ve never used the “V” word and don’t plan on starting now, thank you very much.

Am I officially a bad mother?

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10 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Suzanne said,

    Tee, hee, hee! It totally catches you off guard, right??? If you don’t want Arle using the “v” word don’t let her ask Miss K what her “hee-hoo” is called! She’ll tell her straight up it’s her “pa-china.” Yep, we are the family that uses all the “official” names for our parts. It kills some of our friends! Not too easy at first, especially with the boy parts, but eases lots of confusion/embarrassment later. Plus, it’s really kind of funny to watch the grandparents try and use the correct words with the kiddos. It just about does my mom in!

  2. 2

    jenny roby said,

    I have a friend who calls it “the area”, that is a personal favorite. I use correct anatomy names with my boys, but should a have a girl I don’t want to use the “v” word either, and I was a biology major. Shame on me!

  3. 3

    maeghan said,

    First, being that I have a background in Cosmetology trust me that you are way more embarassed than her. I love your modesty!!!!

    Secondly with boys I didn’t have the “v” conversation we had the other. I was on the spot and called it a TEE-TEE. I don’t know why but it has stuck. So when Cameron was 2 1/2 he would remind me of how girls don’t have Tee-Tee’s and we would even ask some of my girlfriends if they had one or not. Oh the joys of children!

  4. 4

    Your Mother said,

    no comment

  5. 5

    you have it all wrong. boys have a hee-hoo and girls have a va hee hee. you better tell arle. or i’ll baby-sit and i’ll break the news to her.

  6. 6

    Stacee said,

    Jace call’s his down belows his “stuff”. Boys may be easier this way. He has told me he wants to wear a swim suit like me for his “Bobbys”. I stick to saying up aboves and down belows.

  7. 7

    jami nato said,

    layne calls his nether region his “tail”. which i think is very observant…so we kept it. he did ask me where my tail was though…and i was like, girls don’t have tails. duh.

    he also calls poop, “stinky brownies”

    ya, gross.

  8. 8

    LaDawn said,

    Here at the Ridenour house we call it our “tootie-tootie”????

  9. 9

    Kim said,

    OK, so the bubbies call them their little peanuts. I don’t think the girls ever asked.

    Surely they did. How else would they know what they were? Girls? (who will remain nameless…..)?? What did I tell you it is?

    Too many va-gee-gees and little peanuts under the bridge….

  10. 10

    Susan Hile said,

    Oh my goodness! I have not laughed this hard in a long time. Your blog is so much fun to read. We have two boys and a baby girl. Luckily the baby girl can’t say words so we have not had to mention the ‘v’ word. However the boys are curious and call their parts by the official name. We have a stipulation though. This word is a bathroom word and we try not to use it unless we are in the bathroom. That way they don’t go asking all our friends if they too have a ‘p….’ When our sweet baby girl came home from the hospital our oldest son was observing me change her diaper. He immediately became concerned and siad, “What happened to her ‘p….’? so I had to explain that girls do not have those. So of course he asked what do they have…I said God gave girls a special hole. I choked! I just could not say the ‘v’ word out loud. He seemed to be fine with the explanation too. :)


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